The Other One

While reading the death notices,
Among the deliberately and accidentally killed,
Among the suicides and the disappeared,
I search for your name.

While they speak on television
Of serious traffic accidents,
Fires, floods and similar catastrophes,
I imagine you among the victims.

Whenever the phone rings at an odd hour,
Whenever I see a mailman with a telegram,
Whenever I hear “sad news,”
I think they’ll say your name.

In the obituaries I imagine your face.
On gravestones so many resemble you.
On every deathbed you lie.
In the mirror I see your face.

After so much death, so much dying—
Impossible that you can be still alive.
Even if death is not a lottery,
How’s it that you are not the winner?

My small black dress waits to be worn.
At one time it went to parties.
Now it watches for that other occasion.

If needed be, I’ll wear a black veil,
Stand close to the mourners,
Dearest in life, dearest in death.

May I only hear the news,
Hear it on time,
So I don’t go traveling,
So I’m not right here.

When the last lump of earthy falls––
To take life into my hand
And push it aside like a child.

I the tourist in service of eternity,
Living under another’s name.
I can feel the dirt on my eyelids.